If you die in your dream...

I've actually had several dreams where I've died or am dying or where I fall and almost hit the ground (and thus would obviously DIE).

All of them are weird.

However, I had another dying dream last night that was particularly interesting for a few different reasons:

First - I committed suicide. I did this because the world was going to end anyway, and why not just choose your time yourself? And also my brother Peter encouraged me to do it (because he did it too). We committed suicide by ingesting some sort of something that caused our abdomens to burst. Yeah. Pretty graphic. I know. Thank goodness that when my time came for my own abdomen to explode I didn't really notice because, you know, I died.

Second - When I died, I was completely convinced that this was the for real, actual, no-fooling, this-is-NOT-a-dream, I-really-am-dying type of dying. It crossed my mind that maybe this was a dream, and then I thought to myself, No! This is really really for real. Really. And then I proceeded to the afterlife.

Third - The afterlife was particularly interesting because A: I was skinny and B: everyone I met was skinny and young and their best possible selves and were also all members of my home ward in Utah. Which, now that I think about it, is really odd because none of them have actually died. So, I talked with several of them and tried to figure out what my existence would be like as a dead person and whether I was damned for committing suicide when the world was going to end anyway.

Interpretation:

Oh. My. Grief.

Well, just so you know, I am NOT, I repeat NOT contemplating suicide, particularly if it involves taking some sort of substance that causes your abdoment to burst because--hey--GROSS, and also my waking philosophy says that I would stay alive for as long as possible even IF the world was about to end, so THERE.

Other than that, I have been thinking a bit lately about what happens when we die and whether I really believe in an afterlife in my core heart of hearts. I think this dream was my attempt to convince myself that, yes, there is an afterlife, and also people who love you for who you are will be there to welcome you. And also, you will be skinny.

Which is obviously something that I want and that would be really great. And that maybe I think I won't have until after I die? How sad is that?

Um...I don't really know other than that. This was a really, really, really weird one.